He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
