He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
