first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
