just come out here and I will go home with you...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
