Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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