do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
