Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He? As in you personified your dick?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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