yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
