I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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