What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ladies don't puke and tell
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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