I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
