I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
