things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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