I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
