I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
