no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize