I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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