I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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