WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
