I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
