did you get engaged???
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
