i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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