Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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