Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
