i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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