I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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