This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
