How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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