Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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