Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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