my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Houston, we have a blender
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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