i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
