His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
