What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
