why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ketchup is God's man juice
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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