its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
