the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
