Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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