ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
