Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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