I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
