So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your cock deserves a montage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
