There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize