mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
