You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There r osticjed everywhere
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
