I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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