dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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