went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
