no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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