I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
