im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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