I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
