I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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