I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
