Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
