so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
sex in a hospital.. check
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
