My friends, they love my intelligence
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
