yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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