No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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