Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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