maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
