dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
