Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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