Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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