in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
