clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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